i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
