ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
