I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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