Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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