shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
