Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
