I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
