I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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