i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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