I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
