Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
