dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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