We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
