he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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