guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
