it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
