the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
