All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
