it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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