Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
