I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Randomize
