I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
