got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
