my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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