Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
