So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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