my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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