I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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