My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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