They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
