Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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