Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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