Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
