Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
from now on my penis is your penis
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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