dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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