It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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