Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
