I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
