i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
