Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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