I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
