Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You should frame my arrest warrant.
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