I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
