I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
