you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
