My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Well I just put wine in my tea
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
