Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
