what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
