He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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