Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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