Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
